when i woke up on tuesday afternoon, it felt like thursday. i know i’m in for a long week when i wake up at 12:45pm and think that i should go back to sleep 
i checked my midterm grade today… 92%. not too shabby considering i didn’t study much, but just thinking about what extra time i could have devoted to vocabulary is disheartening… because what i missed was mostly just conceptual vocab *sigh*
my multimedia website got blocked by google today. apparently it’s an attack site and distributing malware to my visitors. but then so are all the other sites that are under and a part of the same domain. i’m hoping that it’s got nothing to do specifically with me… like it’s our server that got infected and thus is giving my guests malware. either that or one of my fellow hostees. because really, it sucks ass. my online credibility just went down the crapper and i’m just wishing it’s not about my choice in javascripts / scripts 
my pass 1 (forced scheduled appointment time to register for classes) is during my workload chem class. i thought we had a quiz that day so i started freaking out, but it turns out we don’t. i think i’ll just bring my laptop to class and do it then. i’d rather be half listening then rely on my suite mate’s notes, to be completely and utterly honest. i don’t really trust other people’s notes (but that’s only because i over write).
i’ve been teaching myself how to use microsoft excel for the last 30 minutes so that i won’t have to draw 10 class schedules (back up options and such). it’s confusing as shit, but i must admit that it has got to be the coolest thing ever. kudos to you, microsoft! i have never had more faith in pcs!
…oh wait. i found out my laptop was infested today, so i take that back. well, it’s not virus-infested per say, or at least it may be and i don’t know it, but i do know that i got some weird unwanted program downloaded onto poor Sven today. turns out that sophos antivirus doesn’t actually guard you, it just scans stuff after you might have gotten yourself in some shit you won’t realize until all hell breaks loose.
should sleep now
last weekend was probably one of the most hectic i’ve had thus far (here in davis). because i procrastinated on my term paper, i didn’t have as much time to devote to my psychology midterm. yes, midterm. which one was more weighty? the term paper worth i-don’t-know-how-much-but-probably-a-lot versus the second midterm worth 300 points that could be replaced by a final if i scored particularly low? hmm… i still don’t know, but i gave the former the priority because i was overconfident (a nod to psychology 
) about the midterm. i did pretty well on the first one with limited studying as well, so i figured it wouldn’t be too bad… too bad i only studied for approximately 4 hours (once you add up all the tidbits of studying between checking facebook and mylifeisaverage …yes i am addicted)! thank god kuljit said she was probably going to be late coming back to davis so our usual lunch was a no-go …even though i saw that she updated her facebook status at the time we would normally begin to have lunch, thus prompting me to assume that she already got back to davis and was inside her apartment …but i didn’t say anything because i didn’t want to each lunch with her anyway eating with her seriously “eats” up my dining commons meal tickets (i am running sooo low right now). and i need to study too LOL (which was good because i usually spend 11:30 – 1pm with her; i get off at 10am and my midterm / second class is at 2pm — that’s a pretty big interval that could be spent doing something… better).
after the midterm, i went and bought dinner at the silo — crisscut fries at Carl’s Jr — and stuffed it in my backpack in all its oily glory as i looked for the social sciences 1313 annex for my psychology experiment. the social sciences and humanities building is infamous for being exasperatingly confusing (called the Death Star by students because it looks like a space ship. thanks Antoine Predock for a really cool but really shitty building… shitty for the geographical inept anyway). turns out that it was on the ground level and not below the ground as i had imagined, thus making it 10x easier to find. i sat on a bench right next to the entrance for the next 1 1/2 hours in which i ate dinner and read A Rose for Emily for homework. Eventually i started talking to this kid that was skulking around the annex entrance since it looked like he was doing an experimetrix experiment too. he was, and we were even in the same time slot (i figured. 6pm?? please, childddd).
after some small talk, we watched a rehearsal for what i think was the Macbeth production. well i only think it was Macbeth because of the weird period dancing (they were dancing a dance you’d expect to see in Pride and Prejudice — you know– with boys and girls in a row and doing weird arm movements… wrong era but you catch my drift), the sword play, and the fact that there are Macbath posters EVERYWHERE, but i could be wrong. though i must say, some theatre boys are really nicely built hahaha :9 and here i thought they were going to put on a guerrilla band performance or start taping for some tv segment or do a photo shoot or something (they had lights and the whole shebang). eventually it was experiment time, and it turns out to be just another really, really long internet survey. y’know… i could have just done this at home. most embarrassing thing was when my stomach growled but it didn’t sound like a growl… it sounded like a fart. oh fuckkkk. someone please wheel me away. i think i just died of embarrassment x_x
eventually i got sick and tired of questions like “how often do you drink?” and assessing how i feel between “extremely agree and extremely disagree”. at one point, i just started skimming through the questions (and answer ‘neutral’ to a majority of them) because i didn’t want to be the only person left (i was second to last… the bearded white guy behind me was not finished. kudos to you man, for being honest and thoughtful). and then i went home. after some deliberation, i asked KT if he wanted to go donate some blood with me tomorrow at 10am. he said that he had his lab class from 7 – 10pm. and that means what… ? i know dude. you gave me a copy of your fall quarter schedule. instead of giving me a really bad excuse (which doesn’t even make sense), you could just say “no.” but i guess i can understand. it’s fucking needles, hordes of people, and he must be bloody tired from his midterm (haha a pun!). so i’ll probably just go by myself tomorrow. no shame, diana, no shame!
by the way, sitting on that bench today listening to Jamie O’Neal’s cover of “All By Myself” made me the most emo / irritated i’ve felt in a while but it also made want to rock out a la Bridget Jones’s Diary. haha!
lots of puns in this blog post~ …and horribly cheese-tastic humor language
but sometimes i just feel so lonely. especially at night. and this week… ugh. it’s gonna be hard, and wasting time on facebook, blogging, and watching youtube isn’t helping, but i want to avoid it so bad.
i feel so isolated right now… i really miss the times where my sister and i would just squeeze on a twin bed, lay there, and talk about our lives and our feelings.
there’s a sense of alienation… uncomfortableness… here in davis.
though officially learning (he’s a graduate student), my psychology teacher finally figured out that he should make the lecture notes more vague in order for students not attending lectures to get screwed and attend lecture. of course, this puts me to a disadvantage since i fall asleep during lecture every day, so i can’t make up for it by reading the posted lec. notes online. our midterm is on monday, and normally i would be okay with that, but i also have a GIGANTIC essay for my english class due to the same day. i have absolutely no idea on how to write an essay on Shakespeare’s most boring play, The Tempest. again, normally it would be fine (i would just bullshit it) but i have to relate some sort of personally made media (draw and caption the scene or make a website or act it out or something) and analyze why doing that better defines the play. what the fuck? i guess i’m gonna have to do it on friday / saturday, and dedicate all of sunday (probably not enough time, but…) to studying for psych. and then there’s that 5 – 8 minute skit i need to work on due friday.
i’m hoping i can use all of veteran’s day to plan out my schedule for the winter quarter. sad thing is my pass time is during one of my classes, so i’ll probably have to tell my teacher so he doesn’t drop me for missing class. *siiiigh*
fuck my life 
a blog post focused solely on the opposite sexy. davis may have its downs, but a slight positive is the bigger babe pool. granted, there aren’t that many babes, but better some than none, amiright?
Professional-Guy. so last week, i mentioned to kuljit about a fellow diner in the dining commons who always seems to be dressed for work rather than for school. he’s always donning a satchel, a dress shirt, and sometimes a blazer or a bow tie or something. i cannot really recall at this moment in time. anyway, we’re always seated in the same area-ish, and i, being a self-proclaimed amateur stalker, am cursed with very observant, wandering eyes. i told her i’d point him out the next time i see him, and so i did so that week. and talked about his fashion (and why he can’t act his age). and i’m pretty sure i mentioned that he was cute — that he had ‘it going’. little did i know that my loud voice can be heard maybe 15 feet away. it makes sense. if i can hear a siren 100 feet in the distance, then 15 feet and a motor mouth should be no issue.
so anyway, i was completely embarrassed after i realized that he probably heard every thing i said (this was after we left). and today i saw him again. he was behind kuljit in the lunch line waiting for his mongolian bbq to get fried… and he was wearing a t-shirt and jeans… and still with his satchel (understandably). i hope it wasn’t because of what i said. i felt like such a jerk after i saw him today, but i must admit — he’s one fine white guy. tall but still small, scruffy and put together at the same time
Mr. English 3. he’s my current teacher, and he’s east coast-hot. he is just oozing east-coast-ness every time he comes in the room. with his obsession with all things literary English and his sandy blonde hair (or would you totally call him a brunette?). with his sexy beard that seems to have a life of its own. ohh yes! i hate the fact that i’m retaking English 3, i hate his choice of books we need to read, and i hate his constant rambling / mumbling, but he’s so fucking cute. he’s the only guy that i have actually looked up. ever. i feel so dirty when i think about that fact. but alas, his pretty face is not enough to keep me awake. or care about the underlying tones of something by James Joyce.
Captain. he’s not a babe like Professional-Guy. he’s what i call ‘average-hot’. and i do like my average-hotties. we met at the rave since we were traveling in the same group. i wish he lived on the second floor like i do… that way maybe we can run into each other sometime. but no, i can only attend as many social functions as i possibly can and hope he will be there. Captain is my ongoing crush, but like what i usually do, i do not pursue. mostly because i lack confidence, but also because he seems to be popular with the ladies. lots and lots of lady friends. i’m jealous, but i know that i have no right to be
oh diana, you are such a creep.
Jay, whom i have not spoken to in quite a while, suddenly instant messaged me just to talk about the sluttishness that is Halloween in UCLA. thanks, dude. i am really fascinated. we did get around to talking about college life in general though, which was nice and fun. and then he suddenly signed off without warning. i’m just gonna blame it on bad internet connection since that’s happened to me so many fucking times.
got around to asking assistant professor O if an interview via email was possible because i was “busy” on tuesday, she was busy with the dia de los muertos -themed rally on monday, and i want to avoid calling her at almost all costs because
- her husband is a fucking jackass
- whenever i call her, she’s never home
i didn’t mention either of those points in my email though. but i’m really tired of all this seminar shit. and i think it’s daylight savings now, so i’ll have to turn back all my watch / clock settings back an hour, i believe. i had to get KT to help me with setting up my fucking alarm clock. and i haven’t seen or heard from him in what feels like a decade. i’ll probably call him tomorrow and ask him what’s up… but i’m not surprised if he gives me the brush off :\
my life is dildos. for fucking reals.
so i got her email, and assistant professor O can’t do it monday. why is this happening to me? i purposely avoid checking my ucdavis email account because i’m scared of seeing her response… which is never good. NEVER. and the seminar requires me to make a skit for 5 – 8 minutes long this week and research 2 campus resources and write an essay on it for next week. i want to just NOT show up anymore. i’m so sick of this i want to cry. i hate, hate, HATE having to constantly act like a noob and ask people. why are you constantly making me grovel?? i am literally crying on the inside.
aside from all the interview drama, i attended my first rave last night / this morning. it was fun, gross, sticky, and awkward all rolled into one hazy, loud night / morning. i didn’t intend to go; i actually planned to do my homework that night and maybe ask KT over since i haven’t seen him in a week. suddenly, 10 minutes before they were going to leave, my RA comes in and says he has an extra ticket. my suite mates, who have been prepping for HOURS, encourage me to go… and after a few minutes of deliberation, i decided i’d go for it. i’ll have to pay him for the ticket later, of course.
i changed into a tank, shorts, and grabbed a thin sweater and jetted out of there with no make up on… i looked so fucking disgusting. during the rave, it was the first time that i chugged redbull too… it gave me a stomach ache. and it was the first time i ever got hitted on. i was just dancing when this guy (who apparently was watching me from behind O_O) puts his arm around my waist and asked “hey you wanna dance?” i responded with “sorry, no thank you”, continued dancing, and then kinda scooted away to get near my friend Alli. it was a flattering and weird experience, mostly because i don’t think i’d ever want to dance with some guy at a rave (because he’s probably looking for freaking and grinding… eww). but i do give him credit for walking up to a totally sweaty, wasted-looking random girl and asking.
we had to walk back to our dorms since we took the bus there, and it was 2:30am when we decided to leave. my feet were literally dying. the rest of the group decided to continue hanging out at the dorm 2 doors down from my own, but i decided not to go since i felt so icky and needed a shower. pronto.
after some online browsing, i went to bed 2 hours later, never even realizing that my roommate and her boyfriend shared her bed… although i guess it was pretty obvious since she asked if it was okay (and i said ‘yes’ because as long as they aren’t doing anything while i’m in the room, it’s okay). i guess i assumed he’d sleep on the couch since that’s what my suite mate’s boyfriend did before her roommate left for an anime convention.
so anyway, i’m home right now. i expected to knock out during the 2 hour ride back since i lacked sleep, but spent the entire time talking. when i got back, it was just my dad. i took a short nap, tried to sleep, and then we went out to eat a very awkward lunch. it was the language thing again. i’m almost seriously considering Education Abroad in Vietnam for a quarter, just to better the language and my understanding of Viet culture. but it’s so expensive, and Hanoi University doesn’t offer summer programs. which i prefer since i don’t want to fall behind.
Later today, i went to the mall with my friends Ly and Kevin, both of whom i haven’t seen in months. we caught up and watched WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE, which isn’t that good of a movie, by the way. it was ridiculously violent, so much so that they should have made it PG-13. the kid, though cute, has some serious anger issues, and the wild things are fucking depressing. I imagined fun, and all i got was emo monsters and a partially unresolved relationship with the sister. i just think the film was too loaded with heavy material… that watching it wasn’t as fun. although i do admit that i kept chuckling because of the way the actors voiced the script and with Douglas’ stick-arm ahaha
after the movie, we went to a friend’s house where we briefly chatted with Farouk and Sophie. i would have loved to mention all my crazy antics, but deemed that it was inappropriate without a lead in, which there was none. *sigh* i guess i wanted to make my time in davis seem so wild and grand, in stark contrast to their’s. what have i become?
that interview drama that is. last night she emailed me saying that she was available between 12pm and 3pm today, so i could call her if i want. i called thrice, and no one picked up. well, better no one than her jerkwad husband. turns out she had the opportunity to get her children the h1n1 vacine. i’d like to say that i wish their whole family gets infected, but that would be mean, especially since everyone seems to be getting it these days.
*le sigh*
i hate my life. i’m hoping i can just ask her the 3 questions (just three!) i need to, and be done with her. but i’m planning to send her a thank you card (and to Dr. Y too, who i emailed last week… he was MUCH cooler even though i found him boring), especially since so much drama went down. drama that i want to block out of my mind. this is where psychology would be useful… if only they can teach you how to suppress your memories, that would be awesome. in my case, when something horrible or traumatic happens, i play it over and over in mind… burning the mental image so that i can never let go. seriously. it sucks.
on a somewhat lighter note, i was able to get an extension from my seminar adviser. she’s cool like that… even though she thought of this ridiculous assignment in the first place. and for that reason, i hope she does not have a totally pleasant week, just like i had (mine was beyond unpleasant ).
tomorrow at 10am, i’ll be subjected to some psychology experiment. hopefully it’s something that doesn’t leave effects for more than a few minutes because i still have class and need to bike around :\
i hate my fucking seminar assignment. i really, really do. i just want to shoot myself right now. so i got in touch my friend kuljit’s history professor. i pounced on her during her office hours which was a helluva pain to find because it was in the ‘death star’ building. i got rejected because there was one girl behind me who had questions about the midterm on friday. even though the interview wouldn’t take more than 15 minutes. but i understand. i’m not even her student.
she gave me her home number instead, and told me to call her after 8:30pm. i called her at 8:40pm, and got the nastiest response. she wasn’t home and i guess her husband or her teenage son picked up. conservation went something like this:
me: hi is professor O home?
him: no.
*forgot what i said*
him: all i’ve said is she isn’t here
me: do you know when she’ll be back?
him: no, and i’m not going to tell you. if you need to talk to her go to her office tomorrow or email her.
me: oh… okay. can you tell her D.N. called?
him: alright.
i wouldn’t be surprise if he didn’t tell her at all, or said it in a mean way like ‘this student called you today and she was blah blah blah”. i mean, i totally understand where he’s coming from. i don’t want some kid calling my house at fucking 8:40pm. did she freaking google my wife for her number??? i don’t mind rejection. really, i don’t mind it much. but because it was on the phone, i could hear his voice… and it was just seething with annoyance and hate. i have never felt so hated in my life before. it just felt like i swallowed something foul and it started to slowly burn my insides.
it started as tears welling up in my eyes at first. and then a little sniffling as i sat shell-shocked on the couch. and then the tears started dripping and my nose was all stuffed. i didn’t want to start sobbing right in the living area, so i took a shower. i really rushed into it, and spent the whole time stifling my wailing and sobbing. it just pained me so bad.
again, i have never felt so hated in my life. it was like he was saying “your whole existence is a burden”.
i emailed her saying that i had called, but she was unavailable and that i would like to take her up on her original offer of an interview on friday. i just checked my email and she meant that i should call her thursday, not wednesday. and i just hate that she said “i thought i was clear. call me tomorrow.” no, you weren’t clear. even my friend who was standing right next to me didn’t catch a tomorrow. or maybe i’m wrong and i just didn’t hear you quite right. regardless, you didn’t write down that you intended it to be thursday, not tonight.
i probably will end up doing it, but the thought of having that man pick up again and give me that attitude… it just worries me. today was the first time that i actually full-on cried at davis. and it isn’t even related to loneliness or the fact that i’ve uprooted myself into a whole new environment. if i was back in san jose, i would have bawled my eyes out. just because it common decency. you don’t have to be mean, you know? you can at least pretend to be polite and answer a stupid freshman’s inquiries in a quick, straightforward manner without coming off as a total jackass.
i hate my life.
i have a shitload of stuff to do, so it’s in my best interest to keep it brief but there’s a lot on my mind.
my first boyfriend came out as officially homosexual today. i guess there were rumors flying around, so he formally announced it on facebook. ahhh facebook – the lifeline of all college kids. i myself speculated, but it was only speculation so just judging him before now made me feel some guilt. but i’m happy that he’s happy. we’re pretty cool with each other now, even though things didn’t end all too pretty (which i guess an ending was inevitable ahaha… yea. ).
i hate school. i love it too, but i sorta hate it here. when you’re on campus, you’re waiting for class, you’re alone, it’s past 4pm and the sun is on it’s way downtown… you really feel like you’re by yourself, alone on this journey to nowhere. it’s moments like these (usually tuesdays when i’m waiting for class at 5pm and i finish the day at 6pm) that i feel the most depressed, especially when i call home and no one picks up the phone. and when i am forced to think about my life because it’s either that or study for another class. *sigh*
i’m starting to slip in psychology. today (because it is 1:23am as i write this sentence), i’m going to pounce on an associate professor of my friend kuljit. you know how i said i needed to interview a professor this time? well i got rejected (i saw it coming a mile away, but it doesn’t hurt to ask), so i’m going to try to interview her real quick during her office hours. according to kuljit she’s approachable, so hopefully there aren’t too many bumps in my quest to not lie to my stupid, idiotic seminar instructors. i hate you for making me actually making me go out and talk to authority figures!! *shake fist*
ahhh well until next time.
