totally bombed my english final today. i wasn’t prepared, and my poor writing can account for it. i know it was probably in my best interest to care more. i’m hoping he’ll be lenient and curve the final… or at least forgive me.

also found out that mr. english 3 is a smoker major turn off!! and then i saw that he cut his awesome coif …what a shame!! it’s good thing the class ended, but i’m scared as fuck for my grade.

spent all of today designing a layout because i didn’t feel like studying for my psych final. that’s what tomorrow’s for lol!! …or actually today since it’s like 2:15am.

felt like shit today when i got back from campus. i felt really light-headed and lethargic (though i usually feel lethargic). i don’t know why. it was probably the lack of sleep though.

FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED FRUSTRATED

pretending to study. stalling. i don’t necessarily want to think about “Cane” or Jean Toomer, much less my impending in-class essay tomorrow. oh crap.

i also re-watched AMERICAN HISTORY X in an effort to put off brainstorming and thesis-churning. there is some regret there, but that movie was awesome, so…

whatever happened to you, edward furlong??

in deep thought

pretending to read

*sigh* i don't feel like working right now

pssh!! fuck it. i'm gonna camwhore and read manga

bombed my chemistry final today. no joke. i know i did shitty, and that makes me want to bomb a building.

this song pretty sums up my feelings about mr. english 3. i like the girl band. they’re hot and rocking.

today wasn’t great… hell, this whole week will be in the dumps.

i spent most of today in solitude. my roommate is still in sac, my suitemates have lives and hang out with each other, and if they’re not hanging out, they’re studying at the library while hanging out.

the most eventful thing today was perhaps opening a new jar of peanut butter and feasting on it.i must have eaten AT LEAST 1000 calories today on PB alone. for every 2 tbsps it’s 200 calories (with 140 from fat… i know! but it’s so good!). since the photo, i’ve eaten about 1/2 an inch down on the jar.

should study for chemistry, but it’s so hard! he gave us a practice exam and all i can think about is “when the fuck did you teach us this? oh that’s right – NEVER!” …fucking joint finals.

yesterday i watched UGLY BETTY and i was like, “what the fuck?” it seemed too surreal and easy. i mean, wili and her man reunite and suddenly have sex everywhere. even though they’re in the bahamas, the background looks totally CGed. why would shakira want to be ambushed into posing for the magazine while she’s on vacation?? and betty and mat got back together WAYYY too fast. worst episode yet.

grandma hands... and semi-wet hair

P.S. Balthus is getting fat. i should really lay  him off the fish pellets, if not feed him every other day. probably limit it down to ~2 – 3 / day now, especially since his little tank doesn’t leave much room for exercise. well, he’s either fat or i’m being paranoid.

i’m lonely and i’m scared. i don’t want to go to sleep. my fish isn’t eating regularly anymore and he keeps attacking his own reflection. i put him in different angles, but nothing is working… my only solution is to turn off the lights

i’m scared for my grades.

i feel fat.

i feel isolated.

congratulated KT an early birthday and asked if he wanted to celebrate, but i already know the answer. N O . dropped off his gift and left after a 3 minute conversation.

this is going to be one helluva a week.

i always tell myself, “wake up early and work hard tomorrow! you’re on a time crunch!! time is running out and you need to be on your game!!!!”

…and yet i never do anything. lately all i do is watch tv on the internets – community, the simpsons, heroes (which i didn’t even know already began airing it’s 4th season until a few hours ago!). so sad.

i’m sad

anyhoo, i’ve got some photos to share~

i went to Rite Aid today to get a chocolate gift for Kuljit. I don’t know how to get to Safeway from my dorm and nothing at the bookstore seemed suitable (or was within my price range, especially since the gift she bought me could not have been more than $6 dollars, if not $4. just to let it be known that my price range was nothing more than $8 at the bookstore). There was a lot of good food on sale at Rite Aid, but really that’s all there was – food. you can’t find anything else there (understandably). I ended up buying Ghiradelli chocolate packages because they were on sale @ 2 / $5. There was only a selection of Peanut Butter, Dark, and Mint, and so I chose the latter two… although now I wonder if I should have bought 2 packages of Mint because you can’t go wrong with Mint. Everyone loves Mint. One is intended for KT and the other for Kuljit. I need to discreetly ask Kuljit which one she prefers; KT, i think, would not care. I’m planning to call him tomorrow to see if he wants to hang out on his birthday, but i am prepared to get rejected because it’s finals week and he might just be uninterested. he’s often uninterested… which is sort of …not upsetting, but i feel sad because it seems like our friendship is slowly disintegrating. could also be because i dislike having him in my dorm, so i often pushed him away or tried to dissuade him from coming over (which may be why he’s not really talking to me anymore?). but can you blame me? why always my dorm? why not his or outside, you know? and whenever he comes over he doesn’t leave (until like 12am and that’s happened more than twice when he came over at like 6, 8 or 10pm). i have homework, and i can’t concentrate or pay him any mind if it’s due at 11:59pm.

back to what i was saying – Ghiradelli, because at least the packaging and the brand seem respectable… well except for that “20% free”, but hey – at least they know they’re getting more! i also bought a gingerbread man cookie cutter because i want to make gingerbread cookies with my sister this coming winter break. it was only $.50!! there were other choices, but the Man is a classic! love that it is plastic too. my old cookie cutters were metal and began to rust eventually (very uncool… and unsafe).

all for about ~$6!!... a little pricey, i agree

i also took pictures of Balthus I kind of want to rename him to Euclid just because it reminds me of the movie “Pi”. I probably will not though, because then i’d have to relabel all his water bottles haha

oh, what a sexy beast!!

he always looks up when i'm hovering over the tank. he knows the hand that feeds him LOL

bubbles!! although not as many as during pre-tank change

so i finished the last lecture class of english 3. it was uneventful, and yet, i am saddened by it. again, it’s this silly crush on mr. english 3. i don’t know why but i can’t seem to shake this feeling? i find him interesting and mysterious and handsome… but that’s it; it’s all superficial. his literary genius is funny and amusing, especially since you can tell he has great passion for the subject, but everything else seems inconsequential? i sit and listen to soft music and i ponder… and my only conclusion is that it’s the quarter system that is depressing, not the fact that i’ll never see my teacher again. i’m so used to the year-long process of learning slowly but surely, of making friends over the course of a year that finishing multiple courses within three months seems really fast. that, and the probability that i’ll never see half the “friends” i made in each class ever again. we’ll keep each other on our facebooks, but really, we’ll never comment. we might “like” a status or pass by one another at the bookstore, but we probably won’t say hi or anything.

that brings me to mention – i was at the bookstore today after my midterm to get a “blue book” (to write my final paper for english 3 in) and look at birthday cards and birthday gifts for people. as i was in line to purchase a birthday card for KT (who i have not seen nor spoken to in ~3 weeks if not more) and a blue book, my eyes met with Aly, a popular girl in high school who was texting away a few bodies in front of me. she was stationary. she was immensely popular – president of my class, skinny, fashionable, sociable… hell, i’ve known her since fucking grade school and my cousin is her sister’s best friend.

so anyway, our eyes met and we both looked away. i then felt like a fool and maybe a jerk for looking away. neither of us was saying anything to the other. eventually, when i passed by her in line, i decided to be the bigger person (though i literally am anyway), and say, “hi Aly “

“hi”. flatly, to boot.

i’m not mad or upset that i got a cold response from some popular chick. i’m more upset over the matter that we both know each other. we were in the same class multiple times throughout our educational career. i went to elementary, middle, and high school with her. we know of each others’ existence, for years and more so at that moment. if our eyes meet, there’s no need to pretend that the other does not exist just because we’re in college now. a new environment does not necessarily mean ignoring the people from your past. it’s so silly of my to rant about this, i know. perhaps there is a pinch of jealousy and partiality / contempt in there too, though

i just purchased two t-shirts on threadless for my cousin Ro and my sister, for christmas. the former got me at tee from threadless, and so i felt obligated to repay her. it sucks though. she bought me a large in girls, and i usually wear small in mens. only because i like loose fit… and a large in girls is pretty tight (sadly). the shirts were on sale – maybe $5 cheaper than their usual price. if you add shipping, the total is about $30. not so bad, i guess.

i also took my final psychology midterm today. i think i did okay. well, i really just hope that i get at least a 90 on it or something. well, actually i just found out that i missed at least 2 questions. fucking neurotransmitters!! i really do not want to take the final, so i’m hoping – REALLY REALLY HOPING – that this midterm goes well.

i also changed Balthus’s water today. i really need to go through with what i’ve been telling myself and keep half his tank water or at least introduce new water to his tank gradually… but it’s so hard! it’s difficult to remove all his shit (and he shits A LOT) since it’s at the bottom. next time for sure, i will definitely force myself to do a gradual water change. well anyhoo, with this change, he has more water to swim around in i was kind of sad to clean his tank though… he made a lot of bubbles and i read somewhere that bettas do that when they’re happy~~

picture maybe tomorrow =)

so now i find out that my roommate is also using my toothpaste.

i hate to be all anal and petty about shit like  this, but enough is enough, don’t you think?

food, shampoo, sexiling, …toothpaste too?!

also, i am very upset that she keeps buying toilet paper. i can’t afford to pay you back / support both of us. stop being such a fucking princess and walk all the way over to thoreau to get your free toilet paper, PLEASE!!

i should be studying for my psychology midterm tomorrow, but i want to micro blog a real quick minute.

i’ll post up pictures of my new fish Balthus later when i get the chance to gradually add more water to his tank. he’s a feisty little tiger! more deserving of the name “Sparta”, but it wouldn’t be right… so i call him Sparta II whenever i think about him

i’m pretty sad. mostly because i’m not all too prepared for my midterm tomorrow… but also because tomorrow will be the last lecture class with my english 3 teacher who i have a major crush on. it doesn’t mean anything to anyone, myself included, but i’m going to miss caring how i look on mondays and wednesdays, even if it’s only minuscule (since i wake up at 6:30am).

ta-ta for now!

[ / e d i t ] : “tomorrow” = later today, since it’s like 12:35am